Change of Address

Anyone who has enjoyed what they’ve read here should follow me to my new home:

www.johnnyruin.com

I look forward to neglecting my new blog almost as much as I did this one.

Chris’ Year in Film, 2009

As some of you already know, last year I began using an online calendar to keep track of the movies I watched throughout the year.  Along with that, I noted where and with whom they were watched.  There are a couple of reasons for this (and they’re probably less obsessive compulsive than you might think.)  First, although my memory for useless facts is quite keen, my memory for my own life is less so.  I probably would never have remembered my sister Monica coming to visit last January if I hadn’t noted that we watched the somewhat awful movie The Zombie Diaries.  Now I’ll be able to cherish that memory forever.  Secondly, it helps me remember the movies themselves better, which is not necessarily a good thing in all cases, but still helpful.

So, now that I have this mostly useless list, I decided it might be fun to pick out some of the more memorable (or forgettable, as the case may be) ones and write a little about them.

For those interested, the final count stood at 126 movies, not counting subsequent viewings in the same year.  101 of them were movies I had not seen before.  I only counted a movie if I watched it in its entirety.

Best Movie: Heaven

I’ve been a big fan of Tom Tykwer’s for a long time.  So, a movie directed by him, written by Krzysztof Kieslowski, and starring Cate Blanchett was obviously going to be an easy sell for me.  Still, so many things about this movie blew me away.  The cinematography at times is simply amazing.  This film takes a story that is so easy to riddle with cliches in an amazing direction.  Definitely recommended.

Runner-up – Band a parte.  It was very close, but this one didn’t reach me in quite as profound a sense.

Worst Movie: The Gore Gore Girls

I don’t know what I expected from a movie whose alternate title was Blood Orgy, but it was apparently far too much.  The murder scenes in this movie are so needlessly long and gratuitous that my emotions were able to run the gamut from disgusted to amused to bemused with time left over to go to the bathroom and make a snack before most of them were half over.  The only reason this movie isn’t in the “Wish I Had No Memory Of” category is because of the “protagonist”, Abraham Gentry.  Gentry is a detective of sorts, meaning that he pays people to solve the case for him while he is busy contaminating crime scenes, assaulting people with his cane, and being an absolute asshole to waitresses for no apparent reason.  His words of advice to an acquaintance as they leave his company?  “Don’t get in any trees.”  Moving on…

Runner-up – Necroville.  I enjoy bad movies, so this category doesn’t necessarily have the same connotation it may elsewhere.  Necroville had less redeeming qualities, so it lost out.

Surprisingly Good: Terminator  Salvation

After hearing so many negative reviews of Terminator Salvation from so many different sources I was somewhat dreading the trip to the theater.  Instead, I came out feeling like I was in some kind of bizzaro world.  After all, I feel that I’m very critical of movies, to the extent where I can’t stand a lot of seemingly universally loved pictures (WALL-E is a good example of this).  I certainly didn’t love the movie, but I felt it was at least as good (if not better) than Terminator 3:  Rise of the Machines.  The acting by Christian Bale, Bryce Dallas Howard, and Sam Worthington was easily the best since Linda Hamilton’s performance in the original Terminator.  Mostly I felt that grittiness and desolation did the series some good.  I think most people went in expecting more of the same Arnie one liners.  I didn’t miss them.

Runner-up – Rachel Getting Married.  I actually enjoyed this movie much more than Terminator Salvation, but wasn’t as surprised that I did.

Surprisingly Bad: Little Children

If good acting went a long way to rescue Terminator Salvation it surely didn’t do much to help Little Children.  For the most part, I loved the performances in this movie, especially those of Jennifer Connelly and Jackie Earle Hailey, but boy did I hate most everything else.  My biggest problem by far was with Will Lyman’s ever present narration.  I understand that the movie is based on the book, and that most, if not all, of the narration is taken directly from said book.  However, I don’t feel that justifies cutting into the story every five minutes or so to essentially describe to me exactly what I’m seeing.  It’s called subtext for a reason.  Oh, Jennifer Connelly’s character is suspicious?  Thanks for telling me, because I was confused by what that suspicious look on her face was all about!  You know, the one which was clearly conveying suspicion?  I could go on, but I think you get the point.  Almost everything about this film rubbed me the wrong way, and I felt the ending was one of the most pointless and asinine endings a film could ever have.

Runner-up – My Name is Bruce. Kind of the same deal as the last category.  My expectations for My Name is Bruce weren’t as high, but it was still much worse than I thought it would be.

Funniest: Black Dynamite

I saw this movie three times in 2009 and have seen it once already in 2010, and it just gets funnier the more I watch it.  A brilliant homage to the blaxsploitation genre, there’s not a single joke in this film that hits a false note.  Michael Jai White gives a brilliant performance as the eponymous character.  If you see Black Dynamite and don’t love every jive talking, kung fu packed minute of it, then I’m afraid you might have been born with no sense of humor.  Preorder your copy today!

Runner-up – The Hangover. Possibly the funniest mainstream comedy to come out in this decade.  I just hope they don’t ruin the concept with their planned sequel.

Scariest: Quarantine, [REC]

I have these two movies listed together because Quarantine is actually a near exact remake of [REC].  However, unlike almost all Hollywood remakes of foreign films, Quarantine is actually both a very faithful and adroit (though one could argue unnecessary) adaption.  The progression of these films is the really impressive thing to watch.  The plot builds very slowly, but when things go out of control the situation deteriorates so fast that it’s almost hard to believe.  The films are completely shot with one free camera, which does much to heighten the confusion and panic felt by the characters.  All-in-all, I felt that Quarantine had slightly better scare moments (though mostly due to a larger budget) and a better plot explanation, but the end of [REC] was the creepier of the two.

Runner-up – None.  It’s not often that I’m creeped out by a movie, which makes it even more surprising when two can do it in the same week.

Movie of Which I Have Almost No Memory: Sin

I wasn’t really drunk, or tired, or incapacitated in any way from what I recall.  For whatever reason, this movie just left no impression on me whatsoever.  This is what I remember from Sin:  Ving Rhames has a gun, and maybe he wears boots?  Quicksand plays a part.  That’s it.  According to IMDB, Brian Cox, Gary Oldman, and Daniel Dae Kim are also in it.  Not for me they weren’t.

Runner-up – Silent Rage. All I could recall about this movie is that it featured Chuck Norris fighting a reanimated former convict.  Then I remembered that that was pretty much all there was to it.

Movie of Which I Wish I Had No Memory: Black Devil Doll

It’s really hard for me to talk about this movie, because that means having to admit that I’ve seen it at all, which is somewhat akin to admitting you watched a feature length video of puppies being mutilated.  Black Devil Doll is the worst movie I have ever seen, and this means a lot, as I am friends with Eric Jackson (and most of you know what that entails).  This movie has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.   It is abysmally written, shot, scored, acted, key gripped, everything.  It barely qualifies as a movie, and if I ever learned that they planned to make a sequel I would consider it my duty to hunt down the entire film crew and murder them with my bare hands.  In short, I did not care for it.

Runner-up – Watchmen.  Seeing “visionary” director Zack Snyder bumble around incompetently for nearly three hours with what is probably my favorite comic book story ever is an acutely painful experience.  Being forced to choose between watching Black Devil Doll or Watchmen would be a lot like the grueling decision at the heart of Sophie’s Choice, except in this scenario replace the children with rabid demons.

That about wraps it up.  I intend to continue this movie logging experiment through 2010, and will return with updates if anything strikes/maims my fancy.  I have a rather full Netflix queue, but any movie suggestions would still be greatly appreciated.

Reach for the Stars, America

This saddens me.

President Barack Obama retook the oath of office on Wednesday because of a miniscule slip up during his inauguration. That’s right. One missplaced word and everyone is flipping their shit.  The new administration is so worried that, because of this mistake, the general public will doubt the legitimacy of his presidency.

And the sad thing is that they’re probably right to do so.  You can just see the chain e-mails being formed in the extreme shallow ends of the American gene pool:

“OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DID YUO KNOW THAT BARKAC OBAMMA IS NOT REALLY THE PERSIDENT OF THE USA?!?!?!?!  BECAUSE HE MESSED UP ON HIS OATHS OF OFFICE HE IS UNABLE TO BECOME THE PREZ!!!! WHAT EVERYONE SHOULD DO IS RIGHT THERE CONGRESSMEN AND LET THEM KNOW NOT TOO TAKE ORDERS FORM THIS ILLIGITIMATE PREZIDENT!!!!!!  SEND THIS E-MAIL TO AT LEAST 10 PEOPLE ON YOUR LIST AND LET THEM KNOW ABOUT THIS TRAVISTY OF JUSTICE!!!!!!!! gOD BLESS AMERCA!!!!!!!11

Let’s just ignore that the 20th Amendment specifically states in section 1:

“The terms of the President and Vice President shall end at noon on the 20th day of January, and the terms of Senators and Representatives at noon on the 3d day of January, of the years in which such terms would have ended if this article had not been ratified; and the terms of their successors shall then begin.”

And since the Inauguration was running behind schedule anyway (I’m looking at you, Yo-Yo Ma) Obama was technically president before he took the oath.  I’m no constitutional scholar, but I take this to mean that, had he wanted to, Obama could have run up to the podium, karate chopped the Lincoln Bible in half, roundhouse kicked Chief Justice John Roberts in the chest, and declared himself the President of The United States of I-Just-Rocked-Your-World.

Best.  Inauguration. Ever.

Short Follow-up

For some reason I feel vindicated.

I’m not going to get into it hardcore again, but read this article in comparison to the FOXNews article I posted below and you can draw some pretty obvious conclusions as to the comparative merits of the two news organizations.

When do they announce the Pulitzer winners?

This is ridiculous.

This is easily one of the strangest articles I have ever read.  Though it’s only around 200 words long, it manages to cram in five different terms for marijuana.  I think “green buds” is my favorite.  It just sounds so…authentic.  It also manages to get in a “Harold and Kumar” reference, not bad.  And let’s not forget its journalistic opening of “Duuuuuude!”.  That’s just good copy.  Finally it manages to conclude with a theory it derives from the work of Herodotus, a reference that is only about…2500 years old.

What’s wrong, they couldn’t find a bible verse to back them up?  At FOXNews!?

This just in:  FOXNews links global warming to the work of Ptolemy’s “Almagest”, blame increase in temperature to Earth’s position in center of Universe!

Also, I love the multimedia.  Apparently three close up pictures of the marijuana, a seed from the marijuana, and the “surface glands” of the marijuana were not enough.  No, Fox decided to spring for one more, AP stock photo of a marijuana leaf.  No pictures of any of the actual cultural information in the piece. I mean, they couldn’t even spring for a black and white drawing of Herodotus, or a Scythian? Thanks, Associated Press.  It’s good to know that the next time there’s an article about a methlab raid in some Midwest town, there will be a nice, clean, presentable picture of “crank” or “amp” or “Chalk Dust”, whatever the editor’s agree on.

And all of this doesn’t even touch on how awkwardly the article hands discussing issues that aren’t directly related to a US-centric way of thought.  I know!  Let’s bank hard on the drug angle and at least get a few laughs out of this piece.

Give me a break.

Review: Louis Leterrier’s “The Incredible Hulk”

Before I get right into this I’d like to point out that a lot of the thoughts being expressed were formed in part by discussion with my good friend, Eric.  Eric spends far more of his time than is probably healthy thinking about comic books and all manners of heroes who run along the ground and fly through the air.   So, essentially, if you disagree with anything written below, go ahead and blame Eric.

The Incredible Hulk has never been one of my favorite comic book characters.  There’s just something about him that I’ve always found less than compelling.  I think it boils down to my general disinterest with Bruce Banner.  To me he is a less than satisfactory alter ego, not as entertaining or engaging as Peter Parker, Tony Stark, etc.  That’s not to say that he doesn’t have his own endearing qualities.  He just seems somewhat lost in a sea of more charismatic peers.  Fortunately, this insecurity actually helps flesh out his character, and for this reason I’ve never completely written him off.

Despite these initial misgivings I was genuinely pleased with how the film turned out.  Though certainly not the best comic book adaptation, I would definitely consider it better than average.  I didn’t enjoy it as much as Iron Man, but I liked it much more than all of the Spider-Man and Fantastic Four movies combined.  I felt that the key to the success was twofold.  The first being a successful introduction to the character.  I felt as though Leterrier really learned a few things from Batman Begins. Namely, presenting the audience with a simple and quick, but still effective, summation of the origin of the character.  We start in a world where the Hulk already exists, and this does wonders to keep the plot moving.  Essentially everyone going to see this movie knows something about the character.  If they didn’t see Ang Lee’s failed version of it five years ago then they certainly heard about it.  There’s no need to spend forty minutes showcasing Banner’s research and inevitable accident, and I was glad that those moments were relegated to a reasonable number of flashbacks (though honestly I could have done without some of these, as well).  Secondly, there seems to have been a lot of thought put into the Hulk’s initial appearance.  I feel seeing everything at once would have ruined the experience, and Leterrier does some really interesting foreshadowing, primarily involving quick flashes of the color green in a number of the earlier scenes.

I felt that the acting in the film generally left something to be desired, and was one of the definite drawbacks that kept this film from being as good as Iron Man. The only performance I really enjoyed was Edward Norton’s, which is both fortunate and expected, seeing as he drives 90% of the movie.  On the other hand, I feel that Liv Tyler is a screen cypher.  Her face remains almost uncannily expressionless for almost the entirety of the film, which makes the several scenes of tense, lovelorn dialogue between Betty and Bruce particularly unbearable.  The only scene between them that I enjoyed took place in a cave during a thunderstorm, shortly after Hulk’s second appearance  And even then, this had more to do with the depiction of Hulk as a being that is never fully at ease, constantly on the edge of an endless rage.  Also, Betty Ross is purported to be a scientist of some accomplishment, there is no indication of this either in the action of the film or Tyler’s characterization. I would have greatly preferred swapping out her performance for that of Jennifer Connelly’s in the 2003 version.  I also had some problems with William Hurt’s General Ross, if only because I felt that his performance was more introverted than what the script seemed to necessitate.  Tim Roth’s performance was very good, and I felt he captured the ruthless obsession of Emil Blonsky extremely well.  My only negative comment about it is more fleeting and general, which I will save for after the review, in all its ranty glory.

Finally, I thought that the action scenes were handled very well.  They were entertaining but not over the top, which I think is a big accomplishment when your main character is a giant green human of basically unlimited power.  The powers of the Hulk were scaled back in a way that I felt was true to the spirit of the character while fitting much better in the world of CGI and flesh and blood.  In the comic book it’s perfectly acceptable for The Hulk to collapse an entire skyscraper instantly with one punch, or to leap several miles in one jump.  This kind of thing doesn’t necessarily translate very well to the screen, as the last Hulk movie showed us.  Also, they gave Hulk another monster to fight, which greatly breaks up the monotony of having him knock over Humvees and helicopters.  It’s a way to show the truly brutal side of his nature without having to worry about a bunch of dead soldiers.  Wise move, indeed.  So overall I enjoyed the film.  It could stand to be about ten minutes shorter, and some of the Bruce/Betty scenes drag like crazy, but it’s worth a watch.  Which is more than I can say for the overwhelming majority of comic book movies that have been released in the past ten years.

Miscellaneous Rant:

I hate it when movies set up ways to “explain” the lack of a character’s expected accent.  They used to do this all the time with Sean Connery movies.  In this film it takes the form of Ross’ expositionary dialogue of Blonsky’s origin, which is something to the affect of “Born in Ukraine (or some other Eastern European country), raised in England.” I mean, why bother even trying to justify it?  Blonsky was only Russian in the original comic because we were in the middle of the Cold War and it made him an obvious villain.  It’s 2008 now.  He can be a British Special agent.  No one is going to care except the purists, and they’re going to be mad anyway, because for some inexplicable reason you kept his origin, but made it moot.  Tim Roth is a good actor.  He’s done accents before, I’ve seen him.  So either take the trouble to have him learn it, or completely get rid of it.  Honestly I could care less which they choose, but I hate it when they stick us with this half-and-half shit.  It just comes off as lazy.

I guess that does it for my Incredible Hulk review.  For those of you surprised that I actually chose to comment on a movie made this decade, don’t worry.  I’ll be back to reviewing movies that were released twenty years before my birth in no time.

Some Thoughts: Disney’s “The Little Mermaid”

The Little Mermaid has always been one of my favorite Disney movies.  Right up there with Aladdin and my all-time favorite Beauty and the Beast.  Each of these movies comes from the period that is referred to by many critics as the “Disney Renaissance”.  All of these films were tremendous box office successes, and for good reason.  The stories, animation, music, and voice acting are among the best in the company’s history, and they’ve each made an impact on children and adults that continues to this very day.

One thing about these movies that fascinates me is the extent to which they’ve become ingrained in our culture.  I’m speaking primarily to people my age, born around the mid-1980s, who have been watching these films pretty much since they were old enough to watch anything.  For instance, Beauty and the Beast, released in November of 1991, is the first movie I remember seeing in theaters.  This coupled with the Walt Disney Classics line of VHS releases (which started around 1984 and was replaced by the Walt Disney Masterpiece Collection ten years later)  ensured that we would be watching and re-watching these movies for the duration of our childhood and beyond.  I feel that we’ve seen these movies so many times that in some ways we take them for granted.  And since they were such large parts of so many of our lives, when we watch them today we tend to regress back to that childlike sense of excitement and familiarity for the hour and a half or so the feature lasts.

That being said, recently my roommates and I watched The Little Mermaid on DVD, a movie that, primarily due to how Disney chooses to market its DVD titles (which can be described as insane at best and pure fucking evil at worst) I hadn’t seen in quite some time.  Perhaps due to this newfound level of disconnect I found myself noticing little quirky things that as a child I had never really noticed.  Granted, analysis of Disney movies is definitely not a new thing, but I wanted to sidestep the more serious discussions about racism, sexism, classism, etc. that often come up in regards to these movies and share some of my idiosyncratic viewpoints on the film.

Before I get into this I just want to make it clear that no, the term “willing suspension of disbelief” is not lost on me.  I realize that a lot of my observations are going to seem nitpicky, or like they came out of left field and that they could all be easily explained away with the phrase “Dude, relax.  It’s just a cartoon.”  So let me assure you, I didn’t lose any sleep thinking about these things.  I just thought it would be funny to see what happens when we hold childrens movies to the same level of “scrutiny” that a lot of critics apply to more “adult” forms of expression.

Secondly, it’s important to understand that I’m treating this movie as a self contained world.  I imagine that the plethora of sequels, cartoon series, childrens books, happy meal toys, etc. might explain (intentionally or not) some of the issues addressed below.  I simply don’t have the desire or the resources to dig through years of mermaid-related media in search of answers.  Believe it or not, even my nerdiness has its limits.  Finally, I appreciate any comments/additional theories the three or four people who read this might feel like adding.  However, let’s try to keep things civil.  I have no interest in officiating over a flame war regarding Flounder’s sexual orientation.  At least not today…

With that rather lengthy preface/disclaimer out of the way.  Let’s get down to business!

1). Merpeople are vegans/vegetarians. I know, I know.  This totally looks like wishful thinking on my part, but I really feel I have the beginnings of a solid case here.  Mainly it’s a logistics issue.  Merpeople live in the sea.  Therefore, if they were going to eat animals, they would be eating aquatic animals.  It seems unlikely they would do this based on the status of many of the animals seen in the movie.  Sebastian is the court composer, Flounder is Ariel’s good friend and confidante, etc.  I mean, merpeople are half fish themselves, so eating other fish seems to border on some bizarre form of quasi-cannibalism.  At one point Triton refers to land dwellers disparagingly as “fish-eaters”, so clearly at least eating fish is distasteful to him.  The only acception to this is Ursula, who eats a terrified little shrimp-like creature in one scene.  This actually seems to strengthen the idea of merpeople being veggies, seeing as the act is depicted in a particularly cruel way, and this would contribute to Ursula’s already cruel persona.  The horrors of eating animals also seem to be explored during the chef’s songs (albeit this is technically from Sebastian’s perspective).  To Sebastian this scene is equivalent to a guided tour through Jeffrey Dahmer’s apartment.  This scene takes place roughly at the same time Eric, Grimsley, and Ariel are seated at the dinner table.  I think it would have been interesting to see the two scenes culminate in the actual serving of the food and what Ariel’s reaction to it would have been.

2). Ariel is inconsiderate. I realize that she’s only sixteen and that she’s disenchanted with her life in the ocean, but Ariel can sure be a bitch sometimes.  I’m even willing to let slide her initial no-show at Sebastian’s epic “Daughters of Triton” performance that opens the movie.  If only because it seems that she genuinely forgot about it and was somewhat remorseful.  But her reaction (or lack thereof) during the impromptu “Under the Sea” performance was a complete dick move.  Imagine that you’re one of those little instrument playing fish.  This is your big chance to perform in front of royalty.  You’re playing your little fins off because you love the princess and you want to help cheer her up.  Everything has gone off flawlessly, you’re all just about spent, you turn in unison for the big payoff:  the princess’ smiling face and adoration for a job well done.  Oh, wait there is no payoff because Ariel just up and left right in the middle of the performance.  She didn’t even try to excuse herself, just swam off without a thought for all her adoring subjects and their hard work.  Real classy.  Heaven forbid she think of anything but her own problems for three minutes.  Imagine if this happened in real life.  Princess Beatrice walks off in the middle of a command royal performance of, I don’t know, Cirque de Soleil because she’d rather go look at a bunch of junk that she collected.  The newspapers would have a field day trying to fit in as many synonyms for the word “brat” into their articles as they could, and with good reason.  Listen Ariel, just because you’re the heroine of this piece doesn’t mean you can forget a little thing called “courtesy”.  For shame.

3). Sebastian is one hell of a composer. This one should really go without saying, I think.  I mean, not only does he put on one hell of a planned show, but he’s also a master of on-the-spot improvisational composition.  The above mentioned, unappreciated “Under the Sea” performance is a good example of this.  Far more impressive, however, is the feat he pulls off with his “Kiss the Girl” production.  Not only is he writing this thing on the fly, he’s enlisting the help of a whole chorus of animals who, not only has he never personally met, are probably species that he’s never seen before. Remember, Triton has a strict “no going to the surface rule” one that the law abiding Sebastian only breaks reluctantly, and even then only out of concern for Ariel’s well-being.  So there’s an excellent chance that he’s never seen a frog, turtle, duck, flamingo, etc. before.  This does not stop him in the least.  To again use a real life comparison, imagine that you asked Phillip Glass to compose a love song for you on the spot.  A pretty tough undertaking.  Now imagine that his only accompaniment consists of a bunch of musicians he’s never met.  Also, the musicians are aliens.  I think you see where I’m going with this.  It’s almost as if Sebastian possesses some kind of strange telepathic musical ability.  In turn, he’s instantly able to tune into and influence the musical ability of any organism with whom he comes in contact.  Also, at one point I’m pretty sure he gets the wind to blow on his command.  We’re starting to get into super crustacean abilities right here.  No wonder he’s the court composer.  I bet he makes the last composer they had look like a tone deaf kid banging on a Sesame Street xylophone.  When it comes to music, do not fuck with Sebastian.

4). Scuttle is an alcoholic. This is another one that I feel is pretty obvious, yet went completely unnoticed by me the first five hundred times I watched the movie.  Watching it again, his drinking problem is painfully apparent.  He has so many of the classic signs: slurred speech, lack of coordination, the inability to correctly utilize a telescope.  They’re all there.  Everyone thinks it’s so cute how he doesn’t know the names or uses for everyday human items.  Let me clue you in on something, Scuttle knows damn well what those things are and what they do.  He’s just too bombed out of his mind on stolen pirate rum to remember.  I don’t know about you, but in my time I’ve seen a lot of drunken people misname and/or misuse common household items.  Hell, it’s not a party until someone runs into the room wearing something on their head that is most certainly not a hat.  No, it’s a colander.  Scuttle syndrome in action.  Keep in mind that I’m not judging Scuttle.  He spends most of his life sitting on a small, barren rock in the middle of the ocean.  I think we’d all have a nasty little habit if we were exposed to those conditions for very long.  If he wants to drink, that’s fine.  I’m all for it.  Let’s just not kid ourselves by interpreting his actions as anything but what they are: the inept caperings of a severely drunken seagull.  Need I remind you that one of the several definitions of the word “scuttle” is “to abandon, withdraw from, or cause to be abandoned or destroyed”  Which is precisely what Scuttle does to his sobriety every day.

5). How does Merperson society work, anyways? As the punctuation may have led some of you to guess, this is more of a question than an observation, per se.  I’m not looking for an in-depth analysis of their culture.  Ok, maybe I am, but I’m willing to settle for answers to some of my more burning questions.  It’s obvious that they have a written language from the contract that Ursula causes Ariel and Triton to sign, but on what kind of material is it usually kept?  I’m assuming that the “paper” Ursula uses is magic, seeing as she produces the contract from nowhere, but even if it isn’t that still leads to further questions.  Out of what is it made?  What kinds of writing utensils do they utilize?  Why doesn’t the paper float away?  Which leads to a broader question, namely, how do merpeople get by when they can only have possessions that are heavy enough not to float away?  Is it just a part of daily life?  “Oh shit, my [insert name of light object] floated away again last night.  I really need to start tying that thing down” On a larger scale, what kind of system of governance do merpeople have?  Obviously Triton is the king, but is it an absolute monarchy or do they have a parliament of some kind?  Are other sea creatures such as fish, crabs, octopi, etc. afforded all the same rights as merpeople, or is there a certain amount of social stratification?  Do merpeople have any kind of organized religion?  If so, what is it like?  Does Triton, with his seemingly magical trident, serve as a religious figurehead as well as a ruler?  To what extent are merpeople advanced technologically as compared to their human counterparts?  Will I ever run out of questions?  No.  The answer to that last one is no.

Miscellaneous Observations (AKA: This post is already too long)

• Sharks are terrifying.  If I was a merperson I would live in constant fear of renegade shark attacks
• Flounder must have some serious connections if he was the one who coordinated getting that statue of Eric into Ariel’s cave.  There must have been at least a whale helping him.  Also, how much does it suck for him that, after all that work moving the statue, King Triton blows it up about an hour later.
• What is the time period/setting of this movie?  We’ve got horse and carriages as the main mode of transportation on shore.  Plus it seems pretty acceptable for the eighteen year old prince to be marrying a sixteen year old wayward child.  I’m guessing mid-19th century.
• If nothing else, you have to credit Ursula for her ruthlessness and efficiency.  To go to all that trouble to get Ariel signed onto that deal, and then to immediately double cross her and set up her own wedding with Ariel’s true love.  That’s some cold shit.
• That last point extends to Flotsam and Jetsam, who I think gave one of the more elegant rebuttals to a plan I’ve ever seen.  What is their strategic response to the aforementioned “Kiss the Girl” extravaganza?  Tipping the boat over, of course.  No elaborate musical numbers involving the close cooperation of dozens of animals.  Just good, old fashioned dickishness.  Point – Team Ursula.

Ok, that’s about it, I think.  Chances are it’s much more than most of you expected (or wanted).  As I mentioned before, feel free to leave your thoughts or theories in the comments section, and let’s try to keep things constructive.  If the reaction is favorable perhaps I’ll revisit other Disney or equally children-related fare.  If it’s not, I’ll probably end up doing it anyway.  Enjoy.

Review: Akira Kurosawa’s “The Bad Sleep Well”

Akira Kurosawa and Toshirô Mifune collaborated together on something like 8,000 movies together in a span of seventeen years (actually sixteen, but it’s still impressive). I’ve seen four of them so far, and every single one of them has been amazing. The Bad Sleep Well is certainly no exception. Though not by any means the first non-period piece Kurosawa directed, it is nevertheless the first one I’d seen, and I was interested in seeing in what ways his style was adapted because of it.

To be clear, I really don’t like providing a plot synopsis to the movies I review. Personally, I like approaching a film knowing as little about its narrative structure as possible. Otherwise I find myself too distracted by anticipation, it’s far too easy to distance myself from it. I feel that the act of viewing a film should be as immersive an experience as possible. My goal in reviewing movies is to hopefully provide enough information to the reader that they might be driven to see it themselves while at the same time not providing so much exposition that they feel like they’ve seen it just by reading the review. It can be a difficult task at times. Particularly with a film like this, which relies so heavily on narrative twists and turns. I know I’m not always going to get it right, but striving towards that is a major goal of this project.

The character work of the film is first rate. The cast is led by Kurosawa veteran Toshirô Mifune, who brings his trademark quiet (and sometimes not-so-quiet) intensity to the role of Nishi, a man bent on bringing down the world of corporate corruption by which he is surrounded. Watching Mifune’s disciplined performance is really a treat. The methodical attention he gives to his character is very evident, and often times I feel that he conveys more emotion with all the words he doesn’t speak than most actors do in full out monologue. This emotion is made all the more intriguing and enjoyable do to his characters appearance. Decked out in a double breasted suit and glasses, he’s almost as mild mannered as they come. At the same time there’s some kind of brutal edge that is ever present. He’s like some bizarre cross between Clark Kent and a To Kill a Mockinbird era Gregory Peck. Though it’s hard not to be overshadowed by Mifune’s performance, there are a lot of bright spots in the supporting cast as well. Chief among these are Tatsuya Mihashi, who brings a lot of humor to his role as Tatsuo, the playboy son of Nishi’s boss (Masayuki Mori). Kyôko Kagawa also shines as Keiko, sister to Tatsuo and newly married wife to Nishi.

Though not as obviously visually stunning as some of his more “epic” films The Bad Sleep Well nonetheless contains some truly beautiful camera work. Kurosawa’s oft-utilized “pan focus” is used to great effect in a number of scenes, most notably the opening wedding sequence and later as Nishi and an associate covertly observe a funeral service. Another of my favorite shots takes place early on in the film in and around and actual volcano. The story is that Kurosawa had his effects artist add a large amount of fake smoke to the natural smoke already present on the location. Kurosawa addresses this in a short documentary that’s added as a special feature to the dvd. I wish I could recall the exact quotation, but he says something to the effect that you can’t present nature as it really is by simply filming it as it is. You always have to add something to it. It’s an interesting idea, and I think it ends up paying off for him very well.

Masaru Satô’s music is also used to great effect throughout the film. My favorite musical effect would have to be Nishi’s persistent whistling throughout the film. Used sparingly at first, it appears more and more frequently, becoming a leitmotif of sorts for the character. Towards the end of the film it works its way into the score of the film while still being employed by Nishi, pleasantly bouncing between the films diegetic and non-diegetic sound. There are also a couple of great instances of musical juxtaposition as well, particularly the contrast between the classical wedding march in the opening scene with the all but celebratory mood of most of the guests. Finally, there’s some great noir-ish traveling music during Shirai’s labyrinthine route to his employer’s secret bank vault. Very cool.

The pacing of the film is superb, keeping the plot moving while also allowing for much needed character development. As a whole The Bad Sleep Well ranks among the top film noirs I’ve ever seen. It has all the sharp dialogue, dirty deeds, and shady characters of 40’s gangster film, but on top of that there’s an ambiguity that is all too lacking in films of the genre. Countless times throughout the course of the movie Kurosawa causes you to question not only the actions and motivations of the characters, but your only personal stance on the issues with which their faced. A solid rumination on the sometimes razor thin lines between justice, vengeance, and obsession, The Bad Sleep Well leaves an impression that is not easily forgotten.

Post Script: Sorry it took so long to get this post out (I’m apologizing more to myself than to anyone who may or may not be reading this) I’m trying to get back in the habit of writing for an audience, so I was kind of all over the place in terms of how I approached this review. Hopefully things will become smoother as time passes and I find my voice.

A Little Background…

I decided that before I go and start throwing random movie reviews and the like up on here I better at least give some kind of indication of where my film tastes lie. Rather than posting a rather lengthy and rambling essay of said tastes, I thought it would be more convenient to simply put up a list of my 100 favorite movies.

Yes, I have a list of 100 favorite movies. It took about 45 minutes to put together. It will be changing constantly. I’ll make sure to keep you updated on the new additions and deletions. You are thrilled about this. I’m going to cut to the chase and start from #1. So if you’re looking for suspense, I think a new M. Night Shyamalan movie just came out.

1. The Seventh Seal
2. Aguirre: The Wrath of God
3. Gummo
4. Ratcatcher
5. The 400 Blows
6. Throne of Blood
7. Badlands
8. Run Lola Run
9. For a Few Dollars More
10. Breathless
11. The Godfather
12. Double Indemnity
13. The Long Goodbye
14. Rashomon
15. Medium Cool
16. Citizen Kane
17. Blade Runner
18. Masculin Feminin
19. Requiem for a Dream
20. The Fountain
21. Z
22. No Country for Old Men
23. The Magdalene Sisters
24. The Wind That Shakes the Barley
25. Night and Fog
26. Days of Heaven
27. Schindler’s List
28. 2001: A Space Odyssey
29. Memories of Underdevelopment
30. The Royal Tenenbaums
31. Maria Full of Grace
32. The Red Balloon
33. There Will Be Blood
34. The Godfather, Part II”
35. Chinatown
36. Apocalypse Now
37. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”
38. The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
39. The Deer Hunter
40. 21 Grams
41. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
42. Goodfellas
43. Fargo
44. Dr. Strangelove
45. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
46. Hail Mary
47. The Princess and the Warrior
48. The Thin Red Line
49. Children of Men
50. The Squid and the Whale
51. Wild Strawberries
52. Malcolm X
53. Wild Strawberries
54. Five Easy Pieces
55. Yojimbo
56. The Killing
57. The Bicycle Thief
58. The Big Lebowski
59. Easy Rider
60. Bus 174
61. City of God
62. Salaam Bombay!
63. On The Waterfront
64. Taxi Driver
65. A Fistful of Dollars
66. Do the Right Thing
67. Downfall
68. The Day of the Locust
69. A Clockwork Orange
70. City Lights
71. Casino
72. The Aviator
73. Boyz N The Hood
74. Cool Hand Luke
75. Heat
76. Mouchette
77. The Endless Summer
78. Brick
79. Reservoir Dogs
80. Dog Day Afternoon
81. Boogie Nights
82. Full Metal Jacket
83. Pulp Fiction
84. The Departed
85. The Exorcist
86. Jesus’ Son
87. The Village
88. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
89. Syriana
90. The Darjeeling Limited
91. The Constant Gardener
92. I Heart Huckabees
93. The King of Kong
94. Night of the Living Dead
95. The Crucible
96. Bringing Out the Dead
97. The Professional
98. Hamlet
99. Day of the Dead
100. Point of Order

Let’s See How This Goes

So yeah, true to form I have jumped on the bandwagon of popular culture well after it has pulled out of the station. I’ve started a blog. How amazingly fresh of me! I think next I might go out and get myself one of those new fangled Walkmen what can play the cassette tapes.

I suppose the reason I’ve started this (other then to cement my indie cred) is to have a place other than my own head to store my random thoughts. This is necessary for my health, but not in the “I need an outlet for my emotions because they’re eating away at my insides” way. More like in the “I can’t believe I just missed my train because I was too busy thinking about movies and children’s cartoon shows. I need to start writing this shit down” way. Basically, this is designed to hopefully keep my head clear enough so I don’t accidentally walk into oncoming traffic because I was too busy thinking about how so much of The Little Mermaid (more on this in the future) makes no sense.

So if you’re looking for a place to read inane ramblings on the logical incoherences of TV shows you vaguely remember, or the occasional movie review, this blog is for you. If you hate all that stuff, don’t worry, because I’ll probably get bored with this in a month and stop updating, so it’s really a win-win.